Government Being Run By Men Who Clap When Plane Lands

The sheep are increasingly convinced the country is being run by the sort of men who clap when the plane lands, give unsolicited steak recommendations, and think process is for weaker civilizations.

The sheep admitted Thursday that they are increasingly concerned the federal government is being run by the exact type of men who clap when the plane lands, describing the trend as “a grim convergence of political power and mid-tier airport swagger.”

According to the flock, the issue is not clapping itself. The sheep support joy, gratitude, and basic acknowledgment that flight is strange. Their concern is more specific. It is that too many of the men currently steering the nation appear to possess the emotional habits of people who mistake volume for competence, believe every group dinner needs a speech, and react to turbulence by announcing that they “know a guy.”

Fancy Pants said the warning signs had been there for years. “You see a man clap when the plane lands and you think, all right, perhaps he is just relieved to be alive,” he said. “Then five years later he is in a federal building trying to cut school lunch funding while calling himself a disruptor.”

Janet described the phenomenon as “performative authority rooted in a deep spiritual relationship with business class upgrades.” She added that the same men who clap when the wheels hit the runway are also the ones most likely to wear wraparound sunglasses indoors, describe accountability as negativity, and refer to constitutional limits as “process stuff.”

Marvin, who has been tracking the issue on a legal pad covered in orchard grass, said the behavior often escalates. “First they clap when the plane lands,” he said. “Then they say things like ‘boots on the ground’ at lunch. Then suddenly they are running a cabinet agency like it is a fantasy football punishment.”

Whitney called it “anxious masculinity with executive access.”

Bruce and Frankie said it was the governing style of men who think a layover in Dallas counts as foreign policy experience.

By the end of the meeting, the sheep agreed that the nation’s real crisis is not simply corruption, cruelty, or authoritarian drift. It is that so much of it is now being carried out by men whose spiritual center appears to be an airport bar at 10:40 a.m.